Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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