i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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