Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I need water and some morals
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
