If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
