Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
