My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
