Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I supernannyed him into submission
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
