Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
