currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
