I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Randomize
