What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
