When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
