Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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