They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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