All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
