My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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