I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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