i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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