Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
