Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
