Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
