She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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