I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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