You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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