I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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