This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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