Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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