the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Randomize
