The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
