I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
