Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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