i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
