yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
