He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
