its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
