he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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