Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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