I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
