I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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