last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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