Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
