coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
