If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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