She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
