we're chasing vodka with high fives
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
