love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
