Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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