Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
