I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
