we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
