Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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